I’ve noticed something strange over the last several years, a unique phenomenon that occurs when the words “I write erotica” come out of my mouth and grace the ears of the nearest listener. Those words have a power of sorts, an attitude that makes eyes widen, eyebrows raise, and mouths form that interesting “o” that reminds one of orgasm, if one might be so inclined to think along those lines.
And I do think along those lines. I probably think along those lines entirely too much. My life is filled with every aspect of sex – researching sexual practices, dreaming up new positions, asking blunt questions, even interviewing the occasional gynecologist about things the average person wouldn’t normally dream of asking. I think about sex all the time. And yeah, I have a lot of it. Have to keep the creative juices flowing, so to speak.
But when one is a writer of all things erotic, the word erotica seems to take precedence over the word writer. Assumptions begin to form. There are questions and comments the erotica writer will be subject to on a regular basis, all centering on the usual myths. So, to save everyone some grief and lots of time, let’s clear up those myths right now.
Myth Number One: She writes erotica. She must a slut. She wrote about it so she must have done it! She would sleep with anyone. Even you.
The first hint of this particular myth makes me think of a famous author who happens to write horror novels. The work of Stephen King comes to mind. Powerful writer, isn’t he? He writes novels that make you scared to walk into a dark basement. Novels that make you dream of slashing knives and homicidal clowns and cars that go berserk. After reading one of his books, even your family dog is looked upon with suspicion. Stephen King pulls the most horrible of demons out of our closets and throws them at us with maniacal laughter.
Does that mean Mr. Horror has an arsenal in the basement? Does it mean he has corpses littering his backyard? Does it mean he wants to do in half the state of Maine and all of New Hampshire, just for good measure?
No one would ever presume King would kill someone. No one would ever presume he would go nuts and attack his family while staying in an old hotel in the middle of nowhere. No one would ever assume he could sit by and watch while a high-school chick, with nothing to lose, slaughtered those who wronged her. Just because he writes about it doesn’t mean he does it.
Make note of that: Just because he writes about it doesn’t mean he does it.
Why is it assumed that the erotica writer sleeps with everything that walks (and some things that don’t) just because that writer spins tales of hot and steamy sex? Sure, sex is a common thing that happens every single day between millions of people. Erotica writers have sex. Probably lots of it. But just as the horror writer likely isn’t going to go out and commit the most heinous crime he can imagine, the erotica writer is likely not going to do a train of twenty men and twenty women who all have venereal diseases. It doesn’t make sense to equate promiscuity with an erotica writer.
We are writers. We write erotica. That does not make us sluts, no matter what anyone might like to think.
Unless, of course, we want to be.
Myth Number Two: She writes erotica, she must be an expert in bed!
This is entirely true.
No, I’m kidding. I wish I weren’t. But the sad truth is that nobody is an expert in bed, not even those who write about the carnal act for hours on end every day. Not even those sassy advice columnists who know exactly which lube to use and give tips on how to please your mate. We all know what works, don’t we? The mechanics of sex aren’t that varied. It comes down to the basics: Insert tab A into slot B. Those tabs and slots might be different things, but hey – you know exactly what I mean, and if you don’t, then you probably need to get out more.
How can anyone be a sexpert about anyone except themselves? Even our lovers might change their minds at whim. What worked this week might not work next week. That little thing he likes to hear me whisper in his ear while I’m doing—umm, yeah, that—might always do the magical trick. It might still do it for him when he’s eighty. But it might not.
Experimentation is vital, and communication is the key to good sex. And hey, writers are good communicators. You know what? Let me think about this myth a while, it just might be true...
Myth Number Three: Writing isn’t a real job and writing erotica is even farther from a real job. When are you going to get a real job?
Comments like this get me hot and bothered for all the wrong reasons. I hear that question and I have the sudden urge to hit somebody upside the head with my checkbook.
The truth is, not only is writing a real job, it is a job that requires a lot of overtime. I put in well over forty hours a week, every single week. Just because I love my laptop and I can write anywhere at all does not mean it isn’t a job. We have pressures, deadlines, coworkers and bosses to deal with on a very regular basis. The phone rings a lot. We have those moments of asking an editor or publisher, “You want me to do what? By when? Are you insane?”
And then we do it. Because if we don’t do the work, we don’t get paid. Sounds like a real job to me.
Myth Number Four: Doesn’t it bother you, doing something you can’t tell anyone you do? How could you ever tell your family that you write about sex all day?
No matter what job you have, it is going to come to light eventually. If you work as a writer full-time, your family and friends obviously know this. If you write erotica full-time, your family and closest friends will eventually figure this out even if you don’t tell them. When they see you complete a manuscript and then your name appears on a book they can only find in the erotica section of their favorite bookstore, it’s pretty safe to say they are clued in.
Some writers choose to only tell their closest friends and family members what they write. Some writers work under pseudonyms to protect their daily lives. Any erotica writer will admit that letting the world know what you do is a difficult thing, but not for the reasons you might think. We aren’t ashamed of what we write. We are very open to all things sexual and sensual. But we also understand that most of us live in a society where sex and sexual expression are frowned upon, the kind of world where sex is only kosher if it happens behind closed doors. And you’re not supposed to enjoy it. Of course.
So if you not only enjoy it, but take the time to write about how much you enjoyed it, and then you actually let other people read that, well...to say it is quite often frowned upon is an understatement. Rather than deal with the glares and the shocked expressions, it is quite often easier to say, “I am a writer” and then change the subject.
If they don’t get the hint about changing the subject, then they deserve what’s coming to them when the words “I’m a smut writer” hit them full-force in their moral center. Let the games begin!
Which leads me to the final myth...
Myth Number Five: Erotica writers have no morals. They care who gets hurt in those stories, as long as it feels good and better yet, makes for good copy.
Erotica is fantasy on paper. It is a delving into the psyche of human sexuality. That psyche is not always pretty. One of the best things about writing erotica is that there are no limits and no consequences. In the fictional world, a woman can sleep with her neighbor (or her neighbor’s wife) and get away with it. She might even wind up in a threesome when the neighbor’s jilted spouse finds out and joins in the fun! Maybe a foursome when her husband gets home unexpectedly and sees all the action happening in his matrimonial bed!
The odds of such a scenario happening between the sheets are almost rock-bottom nothing; the chances of it happening between the pages are very good and constantly getting better. Writing about the kinkiest acts does not mean we condone it (though we might), and writing about the wildest orgies does not mean we would partake of the plenty (but there’s always an outside chance). It’s fantasy. If it upsets your moral compass, that means it made you think. But don’t mistake that spinning compass for a lack of morals. The morals are there, and they vary from person to person, just as they do for anyone who doesn’t write erotica for a living. We just choose to spout off about hot, wild and naughty sexual pleasure instead.
Now that those pesky myths have been answered, how about some erotica? Throw the stresses of the day out the window, unbutton your blouse and get comfortable. If you’re lucky, you’ll get lost in a world so delightful and fulfilling that you won’t once think about the person who wrote it. And for us writers, that’s just fine. In the end, it’s the same for any writer in any genre: It’s all about the story.
Excuse me while I go write another one! | 
